Race and Jesus and love and unity and James 4:17

You know how on the library it says “I am the light of the world?” I was looking at that, and thinking about how the Downtown L.A. library has like the river of life flowing in/out of it, and how as Christians we talk about that as mistaking knowledge for life. But I realized I make the mistake, too, that the library is the light, instead of Jesus. This week I spent a lot of time in the library. And I really liked it. I had two papers due: one about racial unity in New Orleans through the Catholic church, and a paper exploring the motif of light in John and his letters, through the lens of unity with the Father, and our unity in Christ.

At the same time, it was “Jesus Mural Awareness Week.” I went to an (amazing) chapel of our professors talking about the mural, and was so happy when they ended talking about love and unity. I was really scared to go to the student panel, because I feel like it’s more of a volatile issue within the student body, but I was blown away by their hearts and their minds and just…I cried. It was good. Sometimes it seems like for Christians who talk about love and unity, we don’t live it out. But this was good.
I heard someone mention how the student panel was more important than the theology panel, because it was more focused on how their theology was being worked out, people were talking about feelings as well and actual experiences. And you know…it’s true. I was writing those papers in the library, doing all this research about the African-American and Latino communities in New Orleans, but what does that matter if I never TALK to them? I was doing all this thinking about walking in the light as a command for unity and love, but what does it matter if I never DO it?

Lots of really encouraging things happened the past two days after that student panel. That night I got to sit in and listen to some girls having a bible study who also happened to be Black. I know how silly I am and how much more I have to learn from the fact that I was so nervous about going up to them and because just now I almost didn’t mention it since I didn’t know if I should call them Black or African-American and I was afraid of being that stereotyped ‘stupid white girl.’ But Eliot says “in order to arrive at what you do not know you must go by a way which is the way of ignorance” (East Coker, 138-9). Heh…BAM! Eliot attack. Anyways, so I can be ignorant. Eliot says so.

But honestly, I hadn’t gotten to go to a bible study in a long time, so even that was just like…a breath of fresh air. Then, Friday was Cultural Awareness Week and Avina kicked butt. And then I was playing guitar out on the lawn, and first my friend Peter who’s an international student stopped by and we played guitar, and then this other international student came by, too, Victor, that I’d never met before, and we played for a while too, and both talked about needing English practice and wanting to play guitar, so now hopefully we will meet again this coming Friday.

So I was rather in a good mood. But you know what I did then? I deposited a check at Albertson’s, a surprisingly big one, so I was thanking God for the blessing. And there was a lady, Daniella, and her son Armani, and they were begging. And so I gave them money, and I started talking to them. And she had a place to stay, but she couldn’t find work, because she had no papers. She was illegal. And you know I gave her my number, but she doesn’t have a phone. And as I was in my car, I thought, I should take them into Albertson’s and go grocery-shopping with them, that maybe I was blessed to be a blessing. So that I'm her friend, and so she doesn't just disappear. But I drove away. Because I had a play to go to. I got to Biola, but I kept thinking of James 4:17. So I turned around and drove back.

I crept through the parking lot, and I went inside the grocery store and looked down all the aisles. But she was already gone. It was a lost opportunity. So I saw my play, and I spent more money on that then I was willing to spend giving to her. And I doubt I’ll ever see her again. And if I do, I’m afraid I won’t have learned the lesson. But I am learning it, I really am starting to, at least. What you do in the library, in your prayer time, in your bible study? It’s really nothing, it’s less than nothing, it counts against you, if you don’t live it out in your life and relationships. And that’s not impossible to do, because the real light of the world, this crazy man-God Jesus Christ who was sent to us out of love, and unites us love, he’s going to be lighting your path, if you just start by taking a single step.

James 4:17 → Right after saying how full people are of themselves and their good works, he ends: “So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.”

Thank God for forgiveness.